Blonds
by vixen213
Summary: In which Sasuke embarass Naruto in front of his family and doesn't score any points with his father-in-law. "Could you pass me the salt Daddy?" crack, check it out


Hello! This is a fiction inspired by Sharingays! I was on her tumblr this morning and I saw these prompts: Sasuke goes downstairs and starts talking dirty to the blond in the fridge however he realizes that the blond he's talking to isn't Naruto, and at the table Naruto tells his daddy to pass the salt… I hope that you enjoy this story and that I do this the way the prompt stated.

It was 3:27 AM in the morning. Or that was what the digital red numbers on his alarm clock read, the bright light burning his retinas. With a low groan, Sasuke rolled over expecting the overly-warm body of his blond lover who constantly hogged all of the covers. Sasuke flopped around in the bed debating whether or not to get his blond out of the guest bed and into his, or to stay in the ever-cooling bed.

Sighing in irritation, he dragged his body up out of the soft bed and softly padded down the steps into the kitchen. It must've been his lucky day (or he knew Naruto much too well), and he found his blond with his head in the kitchen, rummaging through the refrigerator like some kind of wild animal on a hunt. Smirking, Sasuke snuck up on the blond silently before wrapping him in a full body hug, pressing his pelvis hard into the blond's rear. His smirk grew that much wider and he gently nipped on his dobe's ear, accompanied by a hard grind.

"Why hello, dobe. Why aren't you in bed with me at this time in the morning, hm?" Sasuke licked the blond's earlobe before gently blowing on it, his right hand rubbing the blond's chest through his yellow shirt and left hand absently stroking his abs, lazily going ever downwards on the now-tense body of the blond. "Do I need to punish you, Naruto?" His left hand suddenly cupped the blond's balls and Sasuke pressed a light kiss to the tan shoulder illuminated by the kitchen light. "Or will you come with me?" Sasuke purred seductively into his lover's ear. The blond trembled and turned around, face awash with horror, disgust, and loathing all in equal measure.

The man lacked whisker marks, his eyes were more of a navy than the bright azure that Naruto had, the skin wasn't _nearly_ as tan as Naruto, the bangs had been grown out all the way to his chin and he realized, eyes widening in shock and repulsion—"I'm _not_ my son!" Minato Namikaze whisper-yelled at Sasuke who had finally realized he'd been feeling up his father-in-law.

Without a second though and without a backwards glance, Sasuke sprinted up the stairs and into the guestroom where Naruto lay snoring without a care. Trembling, Sasuke grabbed Naruto close and held him close to his body, drawing the covers over them as if it would bring them some sort of protection from the insanity that had occurred downstairs.

It was super awkward the next morning and the entire way through breakfast, Sasuke gave Minato his best death glare and Minato retaliated with the best glare he had, which in the face of an Uchiha glare meant nothing. They were eating hashbrowns, eggs, and bacon that morning and Minato did his best not to stop glaring at Sasuke while he ate, but he enjoyed the food too much to even remember what he had been doing before. Sasuke, however, seemed to glare harder and harder as he chewed on his food. Naruto and Kushina pay no mind to it as, unfortunately, this happened every time they sat nearby each other, and carried on a semi-cheerful, mostly tired conversation. Naruto yawned and asked, "Hey, daddy, could you pass me the salt?"

Minato stopped chewing to smile at his son and reached out his hand—

Sasuke quickly swipes the salt off the table and in his hand over on his side where he sat. Keeping up the impressive Uchiha glare and matching smirk, Sasuke casually placed the salt near his lover's plate. "Here you go, _baby_."

Kushina was the first to break the startled silence with large guffaws and hacking laughter, Naruto looked down his entire face and neck seeming to go completely cherry-colored, Sasuke's smirk widened and there was a victorious glint in his eyes. Minato was choking on his food and nearly passed out from the eggs and bacon caught in his throat. After regaining composure, Minato pointed at the stairs and shouted at Sasuke, "Upstairs, asshole! NOW!"

Sasuke's smirk got all the more devious and he dragged his 'baby' upstairs with him, lips dancing on his earlobes and hands caressing the fine skin under the bright orange shirt.


End file.
